Chapter 14

For the record... I was cheering for the Devils... but I'm pretty dang impressed with the Kings right now. What a run!! Woot! And next year I'll cheer for the teams I hate since every team I put my support behind... well... not so good.

Here goes the latest for Penny and her boys. Mere, I owed you this last week but promised it tonight. It's a quarter past midnight, does it still count? Heh heh. BTW, I'm beyond stoked that you guys all seem to be enjoying this so much!!

"A movie? Like...dinner and a movie?" Lappy stretched out on the bed next to me and yawned.

"Yeah like a date, a normal date," I smiled as he pulled me into the warmth of the circle of his arms and laid my head on his chest. I was suddenly struck by the thought that this should probably feel weird talking about Chris after his road roomie had just fucked me into the mattress. Strangely it didn't.

"Nothing else?" he asked, running his meaty fingers down my back.

"Well I wouldn't say nothing else," I giggled, glad I wasn't looking up into Max's face as I felt my own start to heat up. The fact of the matter was Chris and I had been making out like horny teenagers in his car, every elevator in the arena and had once even made it as far as the couch in my condo but that was as far as he would let it go...for now.

"Chris and Penny sitting in a tree...," Max began and dug his fingers into my ribs, making me squeal and try to wriggle free except that the sheets were wrapped around my legs I couldn't get away. "You luuuuv him," he teased, pressing the full length of his body against the back of mine. Even if I couldn't say it out loud, I couldn't argue with him. Everyone probably thought it was true. Our nability to keep our hands off each other in a totally teenage crush kind of way was still new and shiny and, as far as I was aware, hadn't reached the point of pissing the other guys off...yet. "So… he really doesn't mind when I do this?" Max asked, brushing my hair away from the nape of my neck and sinking his teeth in until I gasped.

"Mmmm noo," I moaned. To be fair I'd offered to put up some boundaries, some limitations, set certain `activities' aside just for Chris alone but he'd surprised me by saying no. "He's being... I don't know...stoic is the best way I can describe it," I explained. Max chuckled and pressed a softer kiss to the spot between my shoulder blades.

"Grumpy is more like it." I could hear the mischievous tone in Max's voice and shook my head.

"No," I squirmed as Max's fingers worked their way lightly over my stomach, "I think he's honestly being respectful of my job."

"Orrr he's finally given in to the siren call of your panties," Max countered as he slid one hand down between my slick folds while the other fingers gently tweaked my nipple. My eyes fluttered closed and I leaned my head back, giving him better access to my neck. He growled and bit down on my earlobe.

"Mmm I wish." It was out before I could edit the thought and I winced, knowing how much Chris would not appreciate my discussing our relationship with the other guys.

"Wait!" Max paused, flipping me effortlessly onto my back and pinned me beneath him. The maniacal grin on his face made me cringe. Chris was going to murder me. "You haven't? Not even one time?"

Biting down on my bottom lip, I shook my head.

"Je ne le crois pas! All that grab-assing and nothing?" I shook my head again and wished even harder for the monster under the bed to swallow me whole. "Wow...merde, you really haven't, have you?" Shaking his head a grin spreak across his face. "Tabernac, all that shit about waiting...we thought it was fucking bullshit," he cackled, looking far too pleased with himself for my liking. "The guys are gonna love this shit."

"No!" I gave him a shove and crawled backwards, out from under him. "You can't say anything," I added vehemently, "Please, I shouldn't have said anything."

Max tilted his head to the side and smirked. "You do realize the only reason he hasn't is because he's waiting for you to beg, comme ça?" For the second time I didn't argue, just shrugged one shoulder. "Oh that I would like to see! I should ask him to record that for the rest of us!" he laughed while I frowned at him.

"Thanks for the sympathy!" I grumbled, reaching for my robe.

"Hey!" Max tackled me, pinning me beneath him again. "So he makes you wait a little. If you think about it, actually kind of sweet."

"But it's giving me a complex!" I whined, stuck out my bottom lip and peeked up at him, blinking innocently. 

He just laughed, leaned down to nip at my bottom lip."You're having sex, several times a day, with what, twenty guys?"

"Hey!" The gross exaggeration sounded, well, gross.

"You're really trying to tell me that one hold out is making you feel inadequate?" I held up my hand, forefinger and thumb about an inch apart. Max rolled his eyes. "So my getting engaged and still wanting to fuck the shit out of you doesn't help at all?"  

"It does I absolutely swear but…" I scrunched up my nose. All my boys were special to me in their own ways but how did I tell them that they weren't as special as Chris was? That he was...well, different.

"I'm messin'. I know you two are all loved up," he snorted, easing himself down beside me and reaching out to tuck a stray curl behind my ear. "Just remember though, ma cocotte, he had to run after you, don't let him make you come crawling, d'accord?" I shivered as he ran his fingers gently over my hip.

"D'accord," I nodded and then yawned. "I better go, I need my beauty sleep," I mumbled, closing my eyes for just a second. Max always wore me out, a fact about which he was very proud.

"Stay," he said quietly, pressing his lips gently to the corner of my mouth.

I smiled and ran my fingers through his thick, dark hair but shook my head. "Can't," I whispered and sat up to pull my robe on. He frowned and then tilted his head to the side like a dog does when they're listening to a strange noise.

"New hard limit?" he asked. I shrugged one shoulder as I climbed off the bed and tightened the sash around my waist.

"Something like that," I replied softly. Rolling over onto his stomach he leaned his chin into his hands and smirked.

"Oh I get it," he snorted, "Il met le pied à terre." I rolled my eyes and turned to leave. As I walked through the door I was serenaded with another round of  "Chris and Penny sitting in a tree," along with a bark of maniacal laughter. Heaving a sigh I dug in the pocket of my robe for my phone.

On my way 2 bed I texted. It took less than three seconds to get a reply.

Higgy20:  ur watch dog is waiting. c u @ breakfast beautiful. sweet dreams

I shook my head and smiled as I dropped my phone into my pocket and dug for my hotel swipe card.

"Hi Hammer, I'm home!" I called as I pushed the door open. I heard the volume on the TV go way down and as I turned the corner my real live body pillow was fluffing the pillows and turning down my side of the bed. As guard dogs went, this one didn't bite.

"Good day at the office, dear?"

I narrowed my eyes and thought about giving him the finger. "Oh indeed," I replied huskily instead, stretching until the robe slipped to reveal my bare shoulder. "It was a lot of… hard… dirty… back-breaking work." I flashed him a sultry smile and watched him swallow hard as he stared at the little bit of skin I was showing. "If I start moaning in my sleep, don't wake me until I've finished. Twice."

Dan groaned and whipped his pillow at me. "BRAT!"

Laughing, I picked it up and tossed it back to him. Nothing was likely to ever happen between Hammer and I but he wasn't exactly immune to the situation. Even his wife had gotten in on teasing him about the fact that many nights on the road he was curled up with someone that had the skills to get his teammates hard by simply whispering their names while he only cuddled with her. I absolutely respected his boundaries but liked to poke at him occasionally just for a giggle.

"I'm gonna have a shower and come right to bed."

"Why is your sex hair always the worst after Max?" he snickered and turned the volume on the TV back up. He was watching re-runs of Dexter. Not the wisest before-bed fare as far as I was concerned.

I shrugged, heading into the bathroom when my phone vibrated again. I slipped it out of my pocket and glanced at the screen.

MadMax40: Chris and Penny sitting in a tree…  k. i. s. s. i. n. g! 

MadMax40: first comes loooove, then comes marriage then comes Max in a baby carriage xoxo

Seriously? The boy took the time to actually  type out the damned rhyme? Obviously I hadn't worn him out as much as I'd thought. I shook my head but couldn't resist texting back.

Sucking his thumb and  peeing his pants and doing the chicken dance :-P  Go to SLEEP!

Then I turned off my phone. Once you got Max started...well... yeah, you get the picture.

Everyone was sticking unusually close together. Even some of the guys who normally would have still been asleep in bed were at the Glendale golf course because they couldn't rest.

It was trade deadline day and despite Coach AV's insistence that the club had no plans to make any major moves, this wasn't the first rodeo for a lot of the guys and they knew that promises were meant to be broken. It was my first trade deadline day though and I'd barely slept all night, as if staying awake and keeping an eye on my boys could prevent the heavy hand of management from snatching any of them away from me.

It was a very subdued breakfast gathering. Everyone was on edge, wondering about their futures, all of our futures. I picked at the cranberry muffin on the plate in front of me, very conscious that it had been this day a year before that had brought Chris and Max to Vancouver. 

"They're not going to trade me," Chris insisted softly, reaching across the table and gently tugging my phone out of my hand. I stared after it and whimpered. I had been glued to both Sportsnet and Sports Center and their streaming updates. "Pen, Coach calls me `The Band-Aid'. He knows I can step it up in the playoffs and that's all that they're thinking about today, I promise." I nodded but didn't look up at him. I was certain that if made eye contact with any of them I was going to burst into tears. "Max, tell her it's gonna be fine."

"Yeah, if anyone gets traded today it's probably gonna be Schneids or Eddie." I looked over at Max, alarmed and my breath hitched as my eyes immediately filled with tears. I was a heartbeat away from sobbing my guts out.

"Thanks," Chris glared at Max who shrugged, took his coffee and pushed his chair back.

"Face it, someone's probably gonna leave today, that's the way it goes," the burly forward shrugged again, got up and walked over to the omelette station where Lou and the twins were chatting amiably, like they didn't have a care in the world. The tense lines of their shoulders, however, told the real truth .

"Hush, babe, it might not happen," Chris said softly, coming around to my side of the table, slipping into the seat beside me and sliding his hand up to knead the back of my neck. "They've put a lot of time and effort into Eddie, they're not gonna give him away for a bag of pucks." I noted he didn't say anything about Cory but then we'd heard that speculation for days. Our ginger haired goalie was the biggest trade bait we had and everyone in the league knew it.

"How can he play golf at a time like this?" I sniffed, finally looking up into Chris's big blue eyes. He smiled and handed me a napkin.

"Because gambling on the greens is what's taking his mind off of it. Plus," he added softly, leaning forward to kiss a tear away from the corner of my eye, "he wants to be a number one and he can't be that here. He deserves it, Pen and you know if he doesn't go now, he's gonna go in the summer, right?"

I nodded, sniffing and hiccupping. Of course I knew it. But that didn't mean I had to like it. Dammit, these were my boys!

"I don't wanna be in big Mike's shoes if he does move someone today." I felt a hand come to rest on my shoulder and looked up into Kess' soft brown eyes. "Has anyone told him how fierce you are when you're pissed?" he smirked and I felt the tiniest bit better.

"Well stop leaving the fucking toilet roll empty!" Our `temporary' co-habitation had introduced sides of each other we hadn't expected to find. Like the fact that Ryan was a pretty decent cook but wouldn't clean a dish to save his life. And the fact that apparently I'm very anal about dirty dishes and have a wicked temper when provoked. And that I hate discovering there's no toilet paper in the master bathroom after I've already sat down.

Differences aside, I enjoyed having him there and loved it when the guys would just show up to hang out or grab a bite. Or to grab me and take a bite. The very thought that any one of them could be leaving… that they could be just… gone.… 

My chin started to tremble again and I bit the inside of my cheek, trying to keep the tears at bay.

Kess' eyes widened and he glanced sharply at Chris. "Did I…?"

"No," Chris shook his head and pushed his chair back from the table. "It's not you, it's…" he gestured vaguely around the room and Ryan nodded, understanding.

"I'm gonna get some food," he stated and gave my head an affectionate rub before stepping away.

Part of me wanted to pull him back to my side, to grab all of them and bind them to me somehow, to lock them to me and "lose" the key or something. Irrationally I began doing a headcount and tried to calculate how many pairs of handcuffs I would need.

Beside me, Chris rose to his feet and tugged me up as well. "C'mon."

"Huh?" I nearly stumbled, trying to put on the brakes by digging my heels into the carpet. "But we… the deadline… I have to.... "

"C'mon," he said again, gently towing me along as he crossed the room. "Come with me."

We were almost out the door when I finally got him to stop. "Wait! Chris, I just, I need to…"

What? I needed to what? I needed to keep everyone in my sight to make sure they didn't vanish into thin air was what and as much as the idea appealed to me, it wasn't very...practical.

Fuck. My shoulders dropped and I sighed, turning my attention to the floor. This day sucked.

"What you need," Chris said softly, cupping my chin in his hand and bringing my attention back to him, "is a distraction of your own." His gaze softened and slid down to my lips and stayed there long enough to make me squirm before he slowly raised his eyes to meet mine again. "There must be something we can think of to get your mind off all of this."

Oh. 

My heart tripped inside my chest. The mere suggestion of intimacy had flipped my switch from desperately unhappy and anxious to, well, just plain desperate.

"Penny and Higgs sitting in a tree...." Without even turning to look I flipped Max the bird.

"If you even try and finish that sentence, so help me Lappy, I will kill you with my bare hands," I promised. Chris bit down on his bottom lip in an effort not to laugh and it took every single solitary ounce of will power I had not to lean in and tug that lip free with my own teeth. "Let's get out of here," I whispered instead and the grin that broke across his face was like looking into the face of the sun.

Grasping my hand he pulled me behind him all the way to the bank of elevators in the hotel lobby. He pressed the call button and stared anxiously at the numbers as they lit up above our heads. An older couple in matching azure blue track suits appeared beside us. The woman looked down at our joined hands and then up at me and smiled. I grinned back at her.

Chris nodded for them to go into the elevator first and then guided me to the rear of the car with his hand at the small of my back while they were choosing their floor. As the doors closed I felt his hand travel softly over my ass and down the back of my thigh until his fingertips brushed my skin just below the hem of my linen sundress.

I drew in a sharp breath and glanced up at him. His smirk was playful even as his gaze remained straight ahead and he held a single finger to his lips. As the numbers climbed so did his fingers, slowly but surely working their way up the back of my thigh. I bit down on the inside of my cheek to stop from gasping out loud. Had it been Kess or Juice I'd have laughed and probably done something just as naughty back, but this was Chris so all I could do was stand there, doing my best to stay upright and not moan out loud.

By the time his fingertips brushed the lace edge of my panties I was ready to slump to the ground but by the grace of God we had reached our floor and the door slid open. With wicked grins on our faces we high-tailed it out of the elevator and down the hall, hand in hand, like a couple of horny teenagers.

The door to his room practically embedded itself into the wall as we burst through it and then the entire frame shook when Chris kicked it closed behind him. My fingers worked furiously trying to yank his shirt free of his pants while he kicked off his shoes. Why he felt the need to tuck in his shirt during breakfast on a non-game day I could not understand.

We fell onto the bed pawing at one another like we couldn't wait another second to be naked.  It felt like there were only two choices in the world; nudity with Chris or oxygen.

Breathing was overrated. 

I shoved his shirt over his broad, muscular shoulders baring all of that yummy chest and six-pack to my greedy gaze and then held him there, at arms' length, staring like I was standing in front of the Mona Lisa at the Louvre.

No, I take that back. I'd seen the Mona Lisa close up and that bitch had nothing on the view in front of me.

"Holy fuck you're beautiful." The words were out of my mouth before I realized that they weren't just in my head.

Chris laughed lightly and rolled his eyes, reaching for me.

"Wait," I leaned out of his grasp and waited for him to stop chuckling. "I'm serious, Chris."

"What? C'mon, Pen." He shifted restlessly on the bed and made grabby hands in my direction but there was a tinge of color in his cheeks that fascinated me.

A lot of women found Chris attractive. No doubt a lot of men as well. Photos of his famed physique had been praised up and down the information highway but I had to wonder, had anyone ever stopped to share their genuine appreciation for how incredible he was? Beyond the washboard abs and the sinfully sexy cuts at his narrow hips, past the boy next door grin and sparkling baby blues… the man was pretty, without question. But he was also undeniably beautiful.

Gently I took his chin in my hand and forced him to meet my gaze. "Hey,"

It took a moment but finally he stilled. "Pen – "

"Hey," I said again and smiled softly when he finally sighed and gave in.

"What?"

My thumb brushed his bottom lip lightly. "You. Are. Beautiful."

It wasn't hard to read how bad he wanted to shrug me off but he tamped it down and swallowed hard, his hand slipping around my wrist to hold it in place. He kissed the tips of my fingers and said, quietly,  "Thank you,"

It was a moments, our moments, that I knew I'd always remember.

"You're not so bad yourself, Money Penny," he growled in very poor English accent.

Aaaaand, moment shot to hell.

 But it set me off giggling again which is when he decided that he was going to tickle me until I puked and fell on me with a throaty chuckle, digging is fingers into my ribs while I squirmed and kicked and squealed.

"Uncle, Uncle!" I cried, trying and failing to roll into a ball beneath him. Grinning like he'd just scored in overtime Chris straddled my knees to survey his handiwork, which consisted of my skirt being rucked up around belly button and both spaghetti straps fallen down somewhere near my elbows so that everything up top was damn close to spilling out.

The amusement drained from his eyes and was replaced by something darker, more...visceral.

"Damn baby," he whispered, lowering himself beside me on the bed and running the back of his hand over my collarbone, up to my shoulder, along my neck and finally around to cup the back of my head. He brought my lips up to his in a kiss that was gentle and soft but entirely toe curling, panty melting and pussy lubricating all at the same time.

I hooked my leg around the back of his and pressed up against him, grinding myself against him and whimpering with need as his lips moved across my jaw and down my neck. He ignored my heartfelt pleas and pressed butterfly kisses along the curve of one shoulder while he toyed with the strap of my dress.

I groaned as his lips pressed lightly against the revealed slope of my breast. My nipples tightened painfully as he slowly, at a snail's pace, mouthed his way down to where the dress was only just maintaining my modesty. One more moment, one more kiss and he'd be there. I held my breath, squeezed my eyes shut, grabbed two handfuls of the sheets and bit down on my bottom lip.

This was new territory for us and the anticipation was killing me.

"Is this okay?"

My eyes flew open and I stared down at him in disbelief. "What?" The man had to be joking.

He wasn't playing. He really wanted to know. "Is this…?"

"Yes," I whispered, "Hell yes," Barely able to form the words I looked into eyes that were dark with carnal desire, animalistic with such blatant want. He groaned and with a slight movement of his chin the fabric of my dress fell away and his tongue swept, warm and wet, over the aching tip of my breast.

My back bowed and I cried out. I had felt that touch right down into the core of my lady bits, which clenched deliciously as he swirled his tongue around my nipple and then closed his lips around it, suckling gently. I let go of the quilt and dug my fingers into his sandy blonde hair instead.

"Sensitive are we?" he whispered, releasing it and blowing across the pouting pink nub. I nodded jerkily, not trusting myself to speak and a slow, sexy smile bloomed on his face. "Both sides?" he asked, using his chin to pull the fabric away from the other breast. I moaned before his lips even got there, a moan that turned into a long, high-pitched cry as he gently tugged the tender pink stub between his teeth. "If you're gonna make this much noise when I'm just doing this..." he let his voice trail off and just looked up at me with that devastating grin and began kissing his way further down, taking the dress down slowly with him. "Your belly button tastes like vanilla icing," he mumbled while I did my best not to squirm and eyed the corner of the nearest pillow. I was going to have to bite down on that soon or the whole hotel was going to hear me.

"Chrisss," I hissed as he pressed his lips just above the tiny decorative bow on the front of my panties.

"I told you I had skills you couldn't even begin to imagine," he purred, kneeling over me so that he could pull my dress off the rest of the way. He let it dangle from his fingertips for a moment, I`m sure because as he did it all of the muscles in his chest, abs and arms flexed. I nearly swallowed my tongue. "I told you I could make you scream so loud they'd call the cops," he reminded me as he hooked his thumbs in the elastic of my panties. I was ready to plead no contest. I was almost there as it was and we had barely even started.

"Pleeeeeaazzze," I begged as he continued to toy with my panties and stare at me.

"Please what, baby?" he asked, tipping his head to one side and grinning like it was the highlight of his day to hear me beg.

"Just...god...just...touch me, pleeeeaaazzze," I moaned. His grin grew and his eyes sparkled as he looked down at me.

"But I am touching you," he whispered, running one hand up between my breasts and then down again, over my hip this time and down my thigh. I mewed like a kitten. "I can touch you here," he added, sliding down the bed, lifting my leg by my ankle and nibbling on my big toe. I made a face. "Or here," he continued, pressing a kiss to my instep, "or here," he said running his hand over my calf and following it with his lips, kissing the side of my knee.

I tossed my head from side to side. This was grossly unfair. I grabbed hold of the quilt again and clenched my teeth.

"Did you have something else in mind?" he asked, batting his eyes coquettishly at me. I growled in frustration.

"I. Want. You. To. Fuck. Me!" He laughed. It wasn't exactly the reaction I was looking for.

"What's the rush?" he asked, moving to the other foot and nibbling at my instep until I squirmed. How could I explain to him that, despite the fact that I'd fucked my way through almost all of his teammates that I'd been waiting months for this moment? For him.  "We have all day baby," he said softly, the playful look suddenly replaced by an expression that I'd seen glimpses of before.  A look that said more than either of us had spoken aloud so far.

He opened his mouth but before any words could come out there was a heavy knock at the door and both of our heads whirled in that direction.

"Higgs, Penn, you in there?" It was one of the twins. Chris got off the bed, grabbed my dress and handed it to me. If either one of the twins was at the door it was obviously something serious. Very rarely did they join the guys to play Nicky Nicky nine doors.

"Be right there!" Chris called, sending me an apologetic glance as he grabbed his shirt from the edge of the bed and pulled it on. "It'll be okay,' he said quietly.

I wasn't sure if he meant the deadline or if he was talking about what we'd just almost done.

 

"I can't believe you're going!" I wrapped my arms around Cody's neck and felt his arms settle around my waist.

"It's kind of a relief," he admitted in a whisper before he kissed my cheek and tried to let me go but I clung to him. It had happened. They were trading one of my boys. It felt like we were breaking up; like a break up where you both knew it was over but you still loved the person.

"You'll do amazing," I promised, giving him another hug. He laughed but it sounded nervous and uneasy.

"Thanks," he shrugged.

"No, you listen to me. They must want you pretty bad. I heard we got two guys for you so you go there and you kick some ass," I shook my finger at him.

He grinned like a little kid. "Thanks Pen, You've always been on my side," Cody said softly, "and that means a lot. I won't forget you."

I felt tears prick at the corners of my eyes. Yep, I was gonna lose it.

"You will when you get between the thighs of the Swords' Specialist," Lappy smirked and punched Cody in the arm. The rookie turned all kinds of shades of pink and red.

"Yeah, you don't get counted as the rookie if you get traded. Now you can partake in the pleasures," Higgy nodded. "Congrats dude," he added in a totally Jersey Shore douche bag tone. Cody's entire face went up in flames.

 "Awwww!" I threw my arms around him again and he buried his face in my neck. "Just remember," I added in a whisper for his ears alone, "time to put all the bitching aside. You got what you wanted, now go be a superstar."

"I will," he promised, giving me an extra hug and then stepping back. "Thanks guys. You've all been great." He turned to go and I felt my heart try and crawl out of my chest.

One of my boys was leaving. It felt so wrong. It made me want to stomp my feet, cry and yell all at the same time but all I could do was watch him go.

"He'll be fine." Chris's hand snaked around mine and our fingers laced. I sagged against him, sad but… there was a heavy current of relief flowing through me.

I'd been terrified about what misery the day could bring; tortured over the idea of anyone leaving but it could have been worse. It could have been so, so much worse.

"Told you they wouldn't trade me," he added in a whisper and leaned in and kissed my forehead.

"Yeah ya did." I couldn't help but grin.

Chapter 13

And since it's the long weekend - and because some sexy time was overdue, heh heh - chapter 13 too!

I was glad that I'd done a little shopping while we'd been in Ottawa so I had something to wear he hadn't seen before. The only problem was, I couldn't choose.

"The red or the black?" I asked, holding up first the little red asymmetrical one shoulder number and then presenting the more understated, black chiffon, tea length halter dress. Kess tilted his head first to one side and then the other.

"I'd say the red one, which probably means you should wear the black one," he replied finally from his vantage point lounging in the middle of my bed. I hung the red one back up in the closest and held the black one up again.

"Shoes?" I asked, happy enough with the dress decision to wonder what shoes would look best and if I should leave my hair down or go with a more sophisticated up-do.

"I suppose if I say your thigh highs you'll be pissed?" I sent a dark look Ryan's way and he smirked. "Leopard print wedges?" he suggested with a sigh. I was about to dismiss the idea entirely but then  remembered the matching bracelet I had. If I added those pieces would it say that I wasn't taking this date seriously enough? Or would it say that I was willing to have fun, that I wasn't pushing for too much all at once?

"Leopard print, I like it," I said quietly, carefully hanging the dress up and reaching for my jewellery box. I dug out the bracelet and found a pair of faux coffee diamond hoops to go with it.

As I started to shimmy out of my jeans I caught Kess watching me out of the corner of my eye and he looked…well, he looked abandoned, like a little kid you find in the middle of the mall who's wandered away from his mom.

"Ry?" I asked quietly, kicking my jeans aside and crawling onto the bed, stretching myself out beside him. He shook his head and picked at the comforter. "Ry Ry," I teased, dragging my fingernails lightly along his arm. He wrinkled his nose. I don't know why that bitch at the All Stars called him that. He hates it.

"I know we said…I said we'd help you and…y'know, him get together," he made a face and stopped, scootching down onto his back and tucked me against his side. I put my hand flat in the middle of his chest and he put his bigger hand over mine, pulling it up over his heart. "Just…promise me that you won't forget the rest of us when you're all…lovie dovie with Mr. New York firefighter calendar boy." I smiled up at him. It was so rare that Kess let anyone see him vulnerable and I felt my heart get all marshmallow soft and gooey knowing how much he meant what he'd just said and what it cost him.

"I've told him I won't stop doing this," I assured him, snuggling as close as I could. He scissored his legs over mine and wrapped his big arms around me until I was literally his prisoner.

"Promise that I won't have to like…wait my turn," he grunted, his hands moving down to cup my ass through my lacy panties.

"Only sometimes," I teased just so he'd spank me. He couldn't get a good swing from this angle but the sharp tap let me know he meant business. I giggled and squirmed to get free, which was futile.

"I wanna be happy for you guys but I still want to fuck you through the mattress," he admitted. My body tingled and I rubbed my thighs together, trying not to whimper.

"Mmm, you know I want you to," I sighed as he rolled me onto my back and pressed me down beneath him. Right at that moment, with his biceps straining as he held me down and the proof of his desire rubbing against my stomach, I wanted nothing more than to prove to him that he could still make me want him as much as I always had but it didn't seem right. Not before the date anyway.

"Maybe after?" I squeaked, sticking out my bottom lip. Ryan stilled, staring down at me and ducked his head to nip at my pout. "Ryan…"

"Fine!" he sighed and rolled off of me. "But you're not having sex with him tonight," he added, pointing at me sternly. "If you're having a real relationship then don't go giving the milk out for free because you know what they say about free milk?"

"Oh my god mom, okay, I'll make sure he puts a fucking deposit on the cow first, sheesh!"

"Quick! How do I look?" It felt like prom night all over again, especially the moment that Kess reached over to turn down the sound on the TV and turn around to look at me. It was like having my dad in the room knowing his little princess was about to have the best night of her life.

"You look…amazing," Ryan said slowly, the expression in his eyes soft as a smile slowly pulled at the corners of his mouth. "Too good for him though, so let's pick something else out," he added his approving smile changing into a playful smirk.

"Too late," I giggled as a heavy set of knuckles rapped on the door a second time. Kess grumbled dramatically and followed me to the door. My heart was literally racing as I reached out to put my hand on the doorknob.

"Here, let me," Kess offered softly, putting his hand over top of mine. Gratefully I stepped back and let him open the door.

I've always considered a man who looks good in a suit to be especially handsome but not all hockey players can pull off the look successfully regardless of how much it cost. If he doesn't get it tailored to sit just so across his mile-wide shoulders and if they don't take out some of the padding he will only end up looking like a linebacker. If they don't taper the jacket to emphasize his narrow waist he will look like he pulled down his mother's curtains and wrapped them around himself. Worse than that, if they don't make his pants specifically for him, they will look like they're bursting at the seams.

Chris looked like he'd stepped out of the pages of GQ or right off a billboard for Yves St. Laurent in a twilight blue suit with a soft looking grey t-shirt underneath it. He had just the right amount of five o'clock shadow, which I knew would be deliciously rough under my fingertips. I was suddenly in danger of melting into a puddle of my own drool.

"Wow," he said softly, his gaze slowly travelling up from my shoes, pausing for a long moment at my cleavage before finally making its way up to my face. "You look beautiful, Pen."

"Yes she does and just to be clear, she turns into a pumpkin at midnight, so have her back on time." Chris blinked past me at Kess and I could tell he wasn't sure if his Assistant Captain was kidding or not. He glanced to me and must have recognized something in my face that told him Ryan was dead serious.

"Okay, well then…let's get going," he said softly, holding his hand out towards me. I stared at his hand, marvelling at how thick his fingers were. A shudder ran straight down my spine and made the walls of my pussy clench.

"You upset her, I'll break every single one of your fingers," Kess hissed at him. Chris's eyes got a little wide and I dug a less than subtle elbow into Ryan's stomach.

"Heard and understood," Chris nodded and I put my hand in his. I watched his fingers close around mine and my knees nearly gave.

"So…where are we going?" I asked once we were finally alone in the safety of the elevator.

"How about you let me worry about that," he said softly, turning me towards him, his free hand lifting to gently caress my cheek. "You look…you take my breath away," he whispered then leaned in and brushed his lips over mine. If he did that again I was going to have to go back inside and change my panties. 

"Where are we going?" I asked for the second or maybe it was the third time. Chris looked across the interior of the sleek, low sports car and smiled.

"Are we there yet? Are we there yet?" he chided me and then let his gaze slide down over my cleavage and down to where my hands where folded in my lap. I followed his gaze down and realized that somehow I'd gotten my hands all twisted up in the fabric, worrying at it. "I won't bite…much," he promised, reaching for one of my hands. I gave it to him and watched his fingers thread through mine. We'd already headed past Howe and Dunsmuir, across Georgia and away from most of the restaurants I knew the guys liked to frequent. "So impatient," he teased, lifting the back of my hand to his lips and pressing a soft kiss to each of my knuckles before giving me my hand back and putting the car in gear.

The car leapt away from the red light and growled like a hungry wolf as it dove towards the exit that would take us into the Park. Ah, the Teahouse I thought and sat back with a satisfied smile but he drove past that too and, eventually, headed for the bridge.

"No, seriously, where are we going?" I asked again. Chris laughed and shook his head. He really wasn't going to tell me.

"Why don't you put some music on? Maybe that will distract you," he suggested. I looked for a radio but there were only knobs for climate control. "Here," he reached for my hand again and put it down on a knob on the centre consul. Pressing it brought up a menu where I could choose between radio stations, multiple cd's or an iPod. Chris's iPod. 

I scanned the available playlists. Workout, Pre-game, Post Game Win, Post Game Loss, On the Road, Party Mix and last but not least, there was a playlist entitled Romance. Grinning I chose that playlist and hit shuffle.

"Make You Feel My Love" by Adele filled the car and I sat back and watched him, waiting for him to react. A smile played at the corners of his lips but it was the look in his eyes when he turned them towards me that made my breath catch at the back of my throat.

"Good choice," he said quietly, his gaze lingering on my mouth before he turned his attention back to the road. I bit back a whimper and decided that it was safer and increased the likelihood of making it through dinner without jumping if I did the same.

When he aimed the car's nose up the hill towards Cypress Bowl though, I had to ask, again.

"You know this isn't Grouse right? There's no restaurant up Cypress," I told him. That toothy, boyish grin of Higgy's appeared, the one that made the corners of his eyes crinkle.

"I know what I'm doing," he told me quietly, "or don't you trust me?" I stared at him, at his wide sensuous mouth and his summer sky blue eyes and I didn't know how to answer that question. I wanted him, no doubt. I wanted to kiss every inch of his skin and have him ravage me, but trust… I wasn't quite there yet. "That's okay," he said before I could say it out loud, returning his now more serious gaze to the road, "you'll see soon enough."

The car leaned into the next switchback and then rounded the corner past the first parking lot and edged up towards the peak. I frowned. It wasn't quite full dark yet, but it would be soon and this, for kids who lived on the North Shore, was a major make out point. The promise Kess had forced from me replayed in my head.

"Chris…," I began and winced at the whine in my voice.

"Jesus, relax Pen," he chuckled. Reaching back into the worthless back seat he tugged on a blanket I hadn't noticed. Beneath it was an old fashioned picnic basket. I stared at the basket and then at him, more than a little surprised.

"A picnic? A real, honest to god picnic?" I asked. He nodded and tilted his head to one side.

"Is that alright with you?"

I nodded, ducking my head as I felt my cheeks warming with pleasure. "Yes… this is… yes. It's good," I grinned and he grinned right back at me.

"Good," he nodded, the expression in his eyes softening again. "I want to impress you and I know some of the other guys have already taken you to all the best spots in town so…I improvised."

"I like the way you improvise," I said a little breathlessly.

"Good," he repeated and pulled the car into the observation point and parked right in the middle of what I realized was a completely vacant parking lot. It was the beginning of February and it was cold but there was no reason for it to be completely empty.

"How'd you do this?" I asked, craning my neck to look behind us.

"Oh, I have my ways," he said cagily as he pulled the key from the ignition and turned towards me. "There are more benefits to being a Canuck than just having the sexiest Specialist in the league…although that's still probably the best one."   He reached to tuck a lock of hair behind my ear and I leaned into his hand. I wanted to kiss him, with every bone in my body I wanted to climb across the center consul and into his lap but there was something I needed to know first.

"What's changed? What made you change your mind?" I asked, that ball of emotion growing in my throat again, making it hard to ask the question. One corner of his full mouth turned up as the pad of his thumb stroked my cheekbone.

"A man can only fight wanting a woman as beautiful and as sexy as you for so long," he whispered, his gaze holding mine like he was daring me not to believe him. "That, and knowing that sleazebag Price had been hitting on you for three days running…well, let's just say that I decided I was pretty stupid if he got to have you before I did." It was good, no doubt about it, but the devil on my shoulder leaned in and reminded me that it wasn't exactly a ringing endorsement of my position with the team or a complete reversal of his previous position.

"I'm not quitting," I said quietly and his smile got a little sad as he nodded.

"I know," he replied, the pad of his thumb stopped at the corner of my mouth, "but I don't want to lose you and I was losing you so…so if I only get part of you…I'll try if you will."

And there it was.

My heart literally stopped and tears filled my eyes. I nodded, unable to say anything without sobbing like a big baby. "Wanna dance?" he asked.

"What?" I asked shakily, frowning at him.

Chris tilted his head to the side and then reached over and turned up the volume. The Pogues "I'll Love You `Til the End" was playing. "Will you dance with me, Penny?"

"Yeah," I whispered and he grinned, brushed his lips over mine and then was slipped out of the car only to reappear beside me to pull open the passenger side door.

It was gray and drizzling but when he took me in his arms and we swayed to that song…I don't think I've ever been happier in my entire life. 

It had begun to rain a little harder when Chris pulled the car up in front of my building. The date had been incredible. We had danced, eaten, laughed, and talked until he finally glanced at his watch and announced that it was probably best to head back. Neither of us had said anything in a while. I was certain both of us were thinking the same thing. Neither of us wanted the night to end and both of us knew someone was waiting for me at home.

"I must be insane," Chris sighed at long last, his hands still gripped the steering wheel and his eyes, looking grey in the dark, glared straight ahead. "What guy in their right mind brings their date home for another guy to fuck?" I was half relieved he'd said it out loud and half angry that he'd brought it up at all.

"I don't have feelings for him, you know that right?" I asked slowly, my hands still folded on my lap even though I wanted to run them through his hair and down over the soft grey cotton of his shirt. "Well, I do but… it's different. Different than us, Chris."  He looked over at me and I could tell that he was struggling with this. I was too, but I had made a promise.

"Yeah," he breathed and as I watched, he exhaled hard, trying his best to smile and not look worried but I could see it in his eyes. He really didn't like this.

Reaching up, I ran my fingertips over the stubble of his jaw and when my thumb traced along his bottom lip he sucked my thumb into his mouth. I watched it disappear and bit down on my own bottom lip. His gaze smouldered as it held mine and that was it, my panties disintegrated.

"I want you," I whispered and he smiled around my thumb.  

"I waw wu woo," he replied, his voice muffled by my thumb. I giggled and he bit down gently then let it slip free. "C'mere," he whispered and put the car in park. It wasn't easy, but as he leaned the driver's seat back, I climbed over the gearshift and settled myself astride his lap. "Jesus fuck woman you're going to be the fucking death of me," he murmured, reaching up to dig his fingers into my hair.

"But what a way to go," I whispered back and then lowered my mouth to his. His lips moved gently against mine and then his tongue swept over my lips and I gladly allowed him entrance. My tongue wrapped around his and I felt more than heard him groan, a sort of rumbling in his chest that vibrated right down between my thighs.

"Oh fuck baby," he whispered as he drew his lips from mine and moved them along my jaw and then down my throat. I arched my neck and as if he could read my mind he traced the line of my pulse right down to my collarbone and up again, tugging at my earring with his teeth before eagerly demanding the press my mouth again over his.

It was my turn to moan as his hands slid down my back and got a good grip on my ass, pulling me down hard onto him as he ground up against me. He was definitely not trying to hide how much he wanted me and I wondered if I could really hold out like I'd promised Ryan I would. All I wanted right at that second was for Chris to rip my panties off and take me right there in the front seat of his car.

I felt like I was sixteen again; urgently dry humping the wide receiver in the back seat of his mom's Volvo. It was kind of exciting and naughty and unlike that sixteen year old, I knew that I would, if he asked, gladly go all the way. It was a good thing that Chris was determined to be a gentleman.

"You'd better go in," he whispered in my ear as I was tugging at the hem of his shirt so I could get at his belt buckle. I groaned out loud, pressed my forehead to his and sulked. "Special, remember?" he chuckled breathlessly, reaching up to push my hair back from my cheek. I stuck my bottom lip out even further. "I want to bite that," he grinned up at me, gnashing his teeth playfully.

"Ryan can sleep on the couch," I decided. Chris shook his head.

"That's not special," he repeated and then offered his lips for a long, sweet kiss that made all the muscles south of my belly button clench. "Soon baby," he whispered against my lips. I smiled at him and thought it would never be soon enough. "But you really should go inside now or I'll lose my gentleman card." I wanted to ask him to chuck his gentleman card but bit my lip and nodded. He reached down and pushed the door open. I slid off his lap and out into the cold drizzle.

"Thanks for an amazing night," I told him sincerely. He smiled up at me, that Higgy smile that made all the women in the arena press their thighs together and moan out loud.

"No, thank you," he insisted. With a sigh I turned toward the entry lobby doors. "Babe, do me a favour?" I glanced back with my hand in my purse digging for my keys.

"Yeah?" I called back.

"When you fuck him…just…remember that, okay?" I nodded, knowing I would and blew him a kiss. He feigned catching it, opening the front of his pants and dropping it down. Rolling my eyes but grinning hugely, I ran into the building just as it started to pour. 

"Fuckin' about fuckin' time." I wasn't even in the door when Ryan pounced on me like a starving man on a piece of bread. He shoved the door the rest of the way closed with one hand and with the other he spun me and pressed me back against it. "Did he make you hot?" he whispered, his voice deep with barely checked desire. I nodded. I knew I still had this silly schoolgirl grin on my face but it was disappearing quickly as Ryan grabbed hold of the skirt of the dress and began to bunch it up and push it northwards. "Did you want to fuck him?" he asked, burying his face in the curve of my neck.

I closed my eyes. Chris's mouth had just been there and I waited to feel …what… negative, indifferent, maybe even disinterested? Instead, as Ryan dragged his teeth up my neck and bit down on the tip of my ear just enough for me to drag a ragged breath in between my teeth, I felt a burning desire to be fucked, right there, right then, up against the door. Not make love, which I now knew I wanted to do with Chris. I recognized the difference. No, right that minute I definitely did not want sweetness and flowers and Barry Manilow. I wanted to be fucked, hard and fast to quench the desire that was pooling, warm and wet between my thighs. I wanted carnal. I wanted mind blowing, scratching, biting, hair pulling sex to satiate the unquenched weak-kneed state Chris had left me in.

"Fuck me," I begged and Ryan growled in response, one hand pulling my hair so he could feast on my mouth, the other shoving my panties down so he could do as I'd asked. I felt his hand there, his fingers questing between my folds to see if I was ready. I groaned my impatience and pressed down on his hand, practically forcing him to shove his fingers up inside me. It wasn't enough but it was something. Finally there was sensation in the area that had been neglected, deprived all evening. I moaned like a cheap whore into Ryan's mouth and he growled like a junkyard dog.

Letting go of my hair he easily lifted me off of my feet and helped me wrap my legs around his waist. He shoved himself inside of me all in one thrust and I cried out for him, for the sensation of being filled, of having what I wanted.

"Did you want his cock in your pussy?" Ryan snarled against my neck. I gasped. Well, yes, I still did but this was good, soooo good. "God you're fucking soaked. Does he know how wet he made you?" I shook my head, unable to form words as Ryan used his upper body strength to lift me and then bring me down hard on the full length of his cock.

"More," I moaned. Ryan grimaced at me, his face straining from the effort of his thrusts.

"You want me to fuck your hot little box harder baby?" he asked, his hips moving against mine. I nodded emphatically, biting down on my bottom lip to stifle a whimper. I wanted it harder and faster and now.

"Please," I sobbed, "please Ryan."

With a growl that was part pleasure and part frustration Ryan lifted me off of him and onto my feet, spinning me so that I faced away from him. With one tug he pulled the zipper down on my dress and then it fell in a pool of black chiffon around my feet leaving me in nothing but my heels.

"Fuck I love your ass," Ryan groaned in my ear and then laid a hearty smack across my bare buttocks. I yelped, but not in pain. It stung, but it felt amazing. "Go put your hands on the window and spread your feet," he ordered. I did as I was told without a single syllable of argument. I walked across the living room, spread my hands and fingers out on the cool glass of the patio doors that overlooked the inlet and slid my feet apart. "Mmm, yes I love your tight little ass," he repeated, swatting it again. I closed my eyes and dropped my forehead to the glass. "I love your wet little beaver more," he added, sliding his fingers down into my cleft and then up inside of me. With his other hand he reached around and cupped one breast, running his thumb over the hard, almost painfully hard nipple. "Do you think he's still down there? Maybe he can watch me fuck your tight little cunt?" I gasped and shook my head. I hoped not. God I was such a happy whore.

"Jesus Ryan, shut the fuck up," I hissed at him. Normally I appreciated his dirty talk but right then I didn't have the patience for it. "Fuck me already," I ordered and had my ass slapped once more for the trouble. I felt him gather a handful of my hair and hissed at him when he pulled my head back.

"Oh I'll fuck you and you're gonna scream my name, do you hear me?" he growled back at me. I smiled at him and licked my lips.

"We'll see," I replied mischievously.

"Oh we will," he promised and then, with one hand on my hip and the other fisted in my hair he shoved his cock so deep into me, I felt like it was going to come out of my throat. I yelped. "Do you like my cock inside of you?" he asked, holding absolutely still.

"Uh huh," I replied, my head falling back onto his shoulder.

"Like this?" he whispered, and did it again, filling me completely, once, twice, three more times.

"Uhhhhh yesssss," I hissed.

"Lean forward, hands on the window," he ordered. I bent over, my ass in the air, as he positioned himself behind me. "I am going to fuck you hard Pen," he promised, running the palms of his hands over my ass before bringing one hand up and then down with a hard, open handed slap that made my entire body tingle and the walls of my pussy clamp down hard enough on his dick that he swore. "Oh yeah baby like that," he moaned. He slapped my ass again and I felt it, that clenching low in my gut, that sort of fluttering in my stomach. I was close.

"Fuuuuuck me," I begged pushing my hips back against him. He groaned but did as I asked. With his hands on my waist he brought his hips back so that the tip of his cock was barely in me and then he thrust them forward until he bottomed out. I gasped, tipping my head back. "Oh yeah Ry, like that," I moaned as he did it again, and again, faster and faster until I could barely stand, my legs liquefying beneath me as the meaty sound of our bodies meeting mixed with my cries and his groans. "Harder," I panted, getting those stars in front of my eyes. I was right there, so close.

"Yeah, you like that baby? You like me fucking you like that?" his voice sounded as wrecked as I would be later the way he was ramming into me. I couldn't answer any more. It was beyond my ability to speak. "You're so close baby. Give it to me, baby, cum all over my cock," he panted, not missing a thrust, not slowing down as he reached around me and pressed two fingers over my clit. I tilted my head back and came, screaming his name to the entire city. 

Despite the workout Kess had put me through and the drain of the excitement of day leading up to The Date, I had a bitch of a time getting to sleep. My mind was calm but for some reason I just couldn't seem to drift off.

Ryan had eventually settled long enough to fall into the sleep of the dead and I was relieved to see him at ease for the first time in too damned long. Still, I was careful not to disturb him as I slipped out of bed and padded barefoot downstairs to the kitchen, hoping a cup of tea would lull in the direction of dreamland.

Sitting at the island, I scrolled through my phone, reading the texts I had missed throughout evening and waited for my tea to steep.

CaptainHank: Dice & Ice on Thursday. Up 4 it?

Hm. That wasn't a typical Specialist's event so I'd have to give it some thought. It warmed my insides to be included though.

HammerTime02: Sarah wants 2 talk 2 u about something. I'm man enuf 2 admit I'm scared & turned on. Call me.

Sarah H. 2+: Hi Penny, hoping you have a moment to chat soon. We'd love to have you over for dinner soon if you're available. Let me know. J

That was something I had to respond to pronto. The woman made the best pot roast I'd ever had. Dinner? Hell yes.

PattyCakeKaner88: ur fukin hottt.

Charming. I really should have been more careful with passing out my digits in Ottawa. So far I'd had several random, though often sweet, mostly hilarious, propositions in the form of casual texts from players I hadn't even spoken to.

I replied to that one regardless of the late hour, hoping to fuck with him a little.

RK17: where the fuck is ur remote control??

Gina L. 1+: Is Roberto with you?

RK17: nvmnd, found it.

Juice: Katie and the kids are abandoning me this weekend. I'm heartbroken. Wanna help me feel better?

Gina L. 1+: He better be with you, Penny. Swear to God, I'll slap him with his own dick if he's not.

Uh oh. That wasn't sounding too good.

CaptainHank: Sorry, I forgot you're having DATE NIGHT tonight! Have fun! Talk to you tomorrow.

Andrea K. 17+: you're a whore

Aaaaand… delete.

Katie B. 3+: Hey girl! Heads up, going out of town after Dice & Ice – you're coming right? – and the big baby will be lonely. Can you entertain him for me? Puh-leeeze?

Katie B 3+: Btw, Gina's on the warpath. Lou's MIA and methinks in big BIG trouble.

Yeah, there was a story there for sure. I'd have to corner Lou ASAP and get the details before I talked to Gina.

Tanger58: Skating with a hard on sucks. That's what I get for thinking about you on the ice. Give me a call one of these days, eh?

My fingers nearly started to dial on their own.

RK17: I'm boooored. Dammit, why did he have 2 pick 2NITE 2 date u? FUCK!

Yeah, well, I'd made it up to him already. Several times actually.

Higgy20: I just dropped u off at ur place. Can't stop thinking about u. Wish u were with me tonight.

Oh God. My lips stretched into the same ridiculous grin I knew I'd been wearing when I got home earlier and I instantly wanted to send him a message back but the clock on the stove advised me that waking him up at 3:30 was probably not the wisest decision.

As I'd conjured him with thoughts alone, Chris' face was suddenly staring back at me from the phone in my hand as his photo appeared on the screen indicating an incoming call.

It nearly went to voic email by the time I'd gathered my wits enough to answer the bloody thing. "Hello?"

"Hey… um… you're not – did I wake you?"

I shook my head even though he couldn't see me and stuttered out a quick, "N-no. No! I was, um, I'm awake."

On the other end he seemed to hesitate a little. "Is this a bad time then? Are you… busy?"

I guess it was a legitimate concern since he knew I had company for the night but part of me wanted to laugh. "Do you think I'd answer the phone if I was… busy?"

"No," he laughed lightly and I could imagine the sheepish grin on his face. "I guess not. Is everything okay?"

"Yeah," I said, fingering the rim of my cup. "Just, I don't know. I can't sleep."

"Neither can I," he said softly. "Too much on my mind, I guess."

Shifting on the stool, I tucked one leg under myself and settled in, lifting my cup to sip delicately. "Anything you care to share? I'm a pretty wicked listener if I do say so myself."

"Hmm, you really want to hear me talk about the fact that I practically wore a path in the floor trying not to imagine all the ways one of my closest friends was pounding you through the mattress, Penny?"

The mug in my hand bobbled and scalding hot liquid sloshed onto the counter top in front of me. "Um… what?"

"Yeah, I'm pretty sure my neighbors downstairs began cursing me to hell right about the time I decided that I could distract myself by moving all of my furniture. That worked until I began picturing you on your knees, letting him fuck your mouth while he watched your reflection in the window. I switched to jumping rope then." Chris chuckled darkly, the sound rumbling out of him and through the connection as clear as if he'd been sitting beside me. "Then all I could think of was Kess using a rope to bind your hands to the headboard and riding your ass from behind, with your legs pressed together screaming into the pillow. It was touch and go for a while there. I wanted to use the rope to hang myself when I realized I didn't know whose name you would be screaming."

This time I nearly dropped the phone. "… I…"

"It fucking killed me to send you back to him, Pen," he whispered hoarsely.

I closed my eyes and absorbed the anguish in his voice, letting it register deep inside. This wasn't going to be easy. I'd sworn that I wasn't going to give up my work, that I wasn't going to bend to his will, to give in to his censure, but the ache driving his admission had me giving it serious consideration for a moment. "Chris…"

The silence that stretched between us was as charged as any conversation or argument we'd ever had. Despite the heartache he'd put me through and all of the horrible thoughts I'd wished upon him during that time, I didn't want him hurting. And as much as I wanted to be with him, I couldn't put him through this if it was going to wreck him like this. Was it really worth it?

"I think it is," he said quietly, making me realize I'd been thinking out loud. "And I didn't… I didn't call to tell you this to make you feel bad, I just… we promised to be honest with each other right?"

"Right," I said softly, remembering after dinner, the way he'd smiled when I extended my pinky as we swore to be truthful and up front with our feelings from now on. He'd accepted the challenge and sealed it with a sweet, simple kiss that had nearly brought tears to my eyes.

"Well, this is me being honest. Tonight, being without you, knowing you were with someone else was absolute fucking hell… but… I meant what I said, Penny. I'd rather have you this way than not have you at all. It is worth it. You're worth it. To me."

Ah hell, that definitely brought out the waterworks. I sat there, eyes swimming, and wondered if I could wish hard enough to make him appear out of thin air to hold me right then. So far, my wish to reality ratio was pretty impressive.

"Anyway," he exhaled hard and his tone seemed lighter, as if he'd released a weight with his admission, "I just wanted to share that with you. I figured if I could make it through tonight without losing my mind or hunting down every man who ever touched you to carve them up with my skate blades, then we've got a good chance here. I wanted to let you know that regardless of what you did with him, what he did to you, whatever – I want you just as much as I did before, nothing has changed. Okay?"

Nodding like an idiot, I felt my lips start to curl again. "Okay."

"Okay," he laughed. "Think you can get to sleep now?"

"Yeah," I was more than a little surprised to realize how suddenly tired I was. "Chris… I… I wish you were here."

He groaned on the other end of the phone and I felt it to my toes. "Baby, you have no idea how bad I wish the same."

"Maybe…" I thought about Kess fast asleep upstairs and bit my lip, wondering if I could make the trip to Chris' and back before he woke up. I didn't want him to wake up alone, though. Ryan had been going through hell of his own and deserved the attention I had promised him.

"How's he doing?"

"Rough," I said, knowing that Chris was genuinely concerned about his friend. "I thought it was me, y'know? That she was just angry about the fact that he cares about me and, um, visits and stuff."

"No," he said firmly. "No matter what I may have insinuated before, this thing between them was going on before you got here, babe. She's a piece of work. I know he's not exactly a ray of sunshine to live with but everyone knows this shit with Andrea is ripping him up inside. It's good that he…" his cut himself off abruptly and then swore before laughing lightly again. He cleared his throat. "It's good that he has you, Penny. And he needs you. I guess they all do in different ways, eh?"

I couldn't believe my ears. I wondered for a moment if I hadn't actually fallen asleep and was dreaming the whole conversation. This was surreal. "I don't know what to say right now."

"Say goodnight," he whispered. "Go be there for him but be sure to get some sleep. I'm going to try and knock myself unconscious and forget that I just sent you back into his arms."

I smiled at that and slid off of the stool, leaving the mess of spilled tea behind to deal with in the morning. "You're a good man Charlie Brown."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll see you at practice?"

"Uh huh," I switched off the light and started up the stairs. "Want to grab lunch or something? If you're not busy, I mean? We don't have to."

"Lunch sounds good."

"Okay," I felt like I was back in high school, giddy over the idea of sitting at the quarterback's table in the cafeteria. "I'll see you there."

"Okay," he yawned. "Good night, Baby."

"Night, Christopher."

"Oh! One more thing," he said slyly.

"Yesssss?"

"When you finally do close your eyes, be sure to dream of me."

As if I could do anything else.