Chapter 13

And since it's the long weekend - and because some sexy time was overdue, heh heh - chapter 13 too!

I was glad that I'd done a little shopping while we'd been in Ottawa so I had something to wear he hadn't seen before. The only problem was, I couldn't choose.

"The red or the black?" I asked, holding up first the little red asymmetrical one shoulder number and then presenting the more understated, black chiffon, tea length halter dress. Kess tilted his head first to one side and then the other.

"I'd say the red one, which probably means you should wear the black one," he replied finally from his vantage point lounging in the middle of my bed. I hung the red one back up in the closest and held the black one up again.

"Shoes?" I asked, happy enough with the dress decision to wonder what shoes would look best and if I should leave my hair down or go with a more sophisticated up-do.

"I suppose if I say your thigh highs you'll be pissed?" I sent a dark look Ryan's way and he smirked. "Leopard print wedges?" he suggested with a sigh. I was about to dismiss the idea entirely but then  remembered the matching bracelet I had. If I added those pieces would it say that I wasn't taking this date seriously enough? Or would it say that I was willing to have fun, that I wasn't pushing for too much all at once?

"Leopard print, I like it," I said quietly, carefully hanging the dress up and reaching for my jewellery box. I dug out the bracelet and found a pair of faux coffee diamond hoops to go with it.

As I started to shimmy out of my jeans I caught Kess watching me out of the corner of my eye and he looked…well, he looked abandoned, like a little kid you find in the middle of the mall who's wandered away from his mom.

"Ry?" I asked quietly, kicking my jeans aside and crawling onto the bed, stretching myself out beside him. He shook his head and picked at the comforter. "Ry Ry," I teased, dragging my fingernails lightly along his arm. He wrinkled his nose. I don't know why that bitch at the All Stars called him that. He hates it.

"I know we said…I said we'd help you and…y'know, him get together," he made a face and stopped, scootching down onto his back and tucked me against his side. I put my hand flat in the middle of his chest and he put his bigger hand over mine, pulling it up over his heart. "Just…promise me that you won't forget the rest of us when you're all…lovie dovie with Mr. New York firefighter calendar boy." I smiled up at him. It was so rare that Kess let anyone see him vulnerable and I felt my heart get all marshmallow soft and gooey knowing how much he meant what he'd just said and what it cost him.

"I've told him I won't stop doing this," I assured him, snuggling as close as I could. He scissored his legs over mine and wrapped his big arms around me until I was literally his prisoner.

"Promise that I won't have to like…wait my turn," he grunted, his hands moving down to cup my ass through my lacy panties.

"Only sometimes," I teased just so he'd spank me. He couldn't get a good swing from this angle but the sharp tap let me know he meant business. I giggled and squirmed to get free, which was futile.

"I wanna be happy for you guys but I still want to fuck you through the mattress," he admitted. My body tingled and I rubbed my thighs together, trying not to whimper.

"Mmm, you know I want you to," I sighed as he rolled me onto my back and pressed me down beneath him. Right at that moment, with his biceps straining as he held me down and the proof of his desire rubbing against my stomach, I wanted nothing more than to prove to him that he could still make me want him as much as I always had but it didn't seem right. Not before the date anyway.

"Maybe after?" I squeaked, sticking out my bottom lip. Ryan stilled, staring down at me and ducked his head to nip at my pout. "Ryan…"

"Fine!" he sighed and rolled off of me. "But you're not having sex with him tonight," he added, pointing at me sternly. "If you're having a real relationship then don't go giving the milk out for free because you know what they say about free milk?"

"Oh my god mom, okay, I'll make sure he puts a fucking deposit on the cow first, sheesh!"

"Quick! How do I look?" It felt like prom night all over again, especially the moment that Kess reached over to turn down the sound on the TV and turn around to look at me. It was like having my dad in the room knowing his little princess was about to have the best night of her life.

"You look…amazing," Ryan said slowly, the expression in his eyes soft as a smile slowly pulled at the corners of his mouth. "Too good for him though, so let's pick something else out," he added his approving smile changing into a playful smirk.

"Too late," I giggled as a heavy set of knuckles rapped on the door a second time. Kess grumbled dramatically and followed me to the door. My heart was literally racing as I reached out to put my hand on the doorknob.

"Here, let me," Kess offered softly, putting his hand over top of mine. Gratefully I stepped back and let him open the door.

I've always considered a man who looks good in a suit to be especially handsome but not all hockey players can pull off the look successfully regardless of how much it cost. If he doesn't get it tailored to sit just so across his mile-wide shoulders and if they don't take out some of the padding he will only end up looking like a linebacker. If they don't taper the jacket to emphasize his narrow waist he will look like he pulled down his mother's curtains and wrapped them around himself. Worse than that, if they don't make his pants specifically for him, they will look like they're bursting at the seams.

Chris looked like he'd stepped out of the pages of GQ or right off a billboard for Yves St. Laurent in a twilight blue suit with a soft looking grey t-shirt underneath it. He had just the right amount of five o'clock shadow, which I knew would be deliciously rough under my fingertips. I was suddenly in danger of melting into a puddle of my own drool.

"Wow," he said softly, his gaze slowly travelling up from my shoes, pausing for a long moment at my cleavage before finally making its way up to my face. "You look beautiful, Pen."

"Yes she does and just to be clear, she turns into a pumpkin at midnight, so have her back on time." Chris blinked past me at Kess and I could tell he wasn't sure if his Assistant Captain was kidding or not. He glanced to me and must have recognized something in my face that told him Ryan was dead serious.

"Okay, well then…let's get going," he said softly, holding his hand out towards me. I stared at his hand, marvelling at how thick his fingers were. A shudder ran straight down my spine and made the walls of my pussy clench.

"You upset her, I'll break every single one of your fingers," Kess hissed at him. Chris's eyes got a little wide and I dug a less than subtle elbow into Ryan's stomach.

"Heard and understood," Chris nodded and I put my hand in his. I watched his fingers close around mine and my knees nearly gave.

"So…where are we going?" I asked once we were finally alone in the safety of the elevator.

"How about you let me worry about that," he said softly, turning me towards him, his free hand lifting to gently caress my cheek. "You look…you take my breath away," he whispered then leaned in and brushed his lips over mine. If he did that again I was going to have to go back inside and change my panties. 

"Where are we going?" I asked for the second or maybe it was the third time. Chris looked across the interior of the sleek, low sports car and smiled.

"Are we there yet? Are we there yet?" he chided me and then let his gaze slide down over my cleavage and down to where my hands where folded in my lap. I followed his gaze down and realized that somehow I'd gotten my hands all twisted up in the fabric, worrying at it. "I won't bite…much," he promised, reaching for one of my hands. I gave it to him and watched his fingers thread through mine. We'd already headed past Howe and Dunsmuir, across Georgia and away from most of the restaurants I knew the guys liked to frequent. "So impatient," he teased, lifting the back of my hand to his lips and pressing a soft kiss to each of my knuckles before giving me my hand back and putting the car in gear.

The car leapt away from the red light and growled like a hungry wolf as it dove towards the exit that would take us into the Park. Ah, the Teahouse I thought and sat back with a satisfied smile but he drove past that too and, eventually, headed for the bridge.

"No, seriously, where are we going?" I asked again. Chris laughed and shook his head. He really wasn't going to tell me.

"Why don't you put some music on? Maybe that will distract you," he suggested. I looked for a radio but there were only knobs for climate control. "Here," he reached for my hand again and put it down on a knob on the centre consul. Pressing it brought up a menu where I could choose between radio stations, multiple cd's or an iPod. Chris's iPod. 

I scanned the available playlists. Workout, Pre-game, Post Game Win, Post Game Loss, On the Road, Party Mix and last but not least, there was a playlist entitled Romance. Grinning I chose that playlist and hit shuffle.

"Make You Feel My Love" by Adele filled the car and I sat back and watched him, waiting for him to react. A smile played at the corners of his lips but it was the look in his eyes when he turned them towards me that made my breath catch at the back of my throat.

"Good choice," he said quietly, his gaze lingering on my mouth before he turned his attention back to the road. I bit back a whimper and decided that it was safer and increased the likelihood of making it through dinner without jumping if I did the same.

When he aimed the car's nose up the hill towards Cypress Bowl though, I had to ask, again.

"You know this isn't Grouse right? There's no restaurant up Cypress," I told him. That toothy, boyish grin of Higgy's appeared, the one that made the corners of his eyes crinkle.

"I know what I'm doing," he told me quietly, "or don't you trust me?" I stared at him, at his wide sensuous mouth and his summer sky blue eyes and I didn't know how to answer that question. I wanted him, no doubt. I wanted to kiss every inch of his skin and have him ravage me, but trust… I wasn't quite there yet. "That's okay," he said before I could say it out loud, returning his now more serious gaze to the road, "you'll see soon enough."

The car leaned into the next switchback and then rounded the corner past the first parking lot and edged up towards the peak. I frowned. It wasn't quite full dark yet, but it would be soon and this, for kids who lived on the North Shore, was a major make out point. The promise Kess had forced from me replayed in my head.

"Chris…," I began and winced at the whine in my voice.

"Jesus, relax Pen," he chuckled. Reaching back into the worthless back seat he tugged on a blanket I hadn't noticed. Beneath it was an old fashioned picnic basket. I stared at the basket and then at him, more than a little surprised.

"A picnic? A real, honest to god picnic?" I asked. He nodded and tilted his head to one side.

"Is that alright with you?"

I nodded, ducking my head as I felt my cheeks warming with pleasure. "Yes… this is… yes. It's good," I grinned and he grinned right back at me.

"Good," he nodded, the expression in his eyes softening again. "I want to impress you and I know some of the other guys have already taken you to all the best spots in town so…I improvised."

"I like the way you improvise," I said a little breathlessly.

"Good," he repeated and pulled the car into the observation point and parked right in the middle of what I realized was a completely vacant parking lot. It was the beginning of February and it was cold but there was no reason for it to be completely empty.

"How'd you do this?" I asked, craning my neck to look behind us.

"Oh, I have my ways," he said cagily as he pulled the key from the ignition and turned towards me. "There are more benefits to being a Canuck than just having the sexiest Specialist in the league…although that's still probably the best one."   He reached to tuck a lock of hair behind my ear and I leaned into his hand. I wanted to kiss him, with every bone in my body I wanted to climb across the center consul and into his lap but there was something I needed to know first.

"What's changed? What made you change your mind?" I asked, that ball of emotion growing in my throat again, making it hard to ask the question. One corner of his full mouth turned up as the pad of his thumb stroked my cheekbone.

"A man can only fight wanting a woman as beautiful and as sexy as you for so long," he whispered, his gaze holding mine like he was daring me not to believe him. "That, and knowing that sleazebag Price had been hitting on you for three days running…well, let's just say that I decided I was pretty stupid if he got to have you before I did." It was good, no doubt about it, but the devil on my shoulder leaned in and reminded me that it wasn't exactly a ringing endorsement of my position with the team or a complete reversal of his previous position.

"I'm not quitting," I said quietly and his smile got a little sad as he nodded.

"I know," he replied, the pad of his thumb stopped at the corner of my mouth, "but I don't want to lose you and I was losing you so…so if I only get part of you…I'll try if you will."

And there it was.

My heart literally stopped and tears filled my eyes. I nodded, unable to say anything without sobbing like a big baby. "Wanna dance?" he asked.

"What?" I asked shakily, frowning at him.

Chris tilted his head to the side and then reached over and turned up the volume. The Pogues "I'll Love You `Til the End" was playing. "Will you dance with me, Penny?"

"Yeah," I whispered and he grinned, brushed his lips over mine and then was slipped out of the car only to reappear beside me to pull open the passenger side door.

It was gray and drizzling but when he took me in his arms and we swayed to that song…I don't think I've ever been happier in my entire life. 

It had begun to rain a little harder when Chris pulled the car up in front of my building. The date had been incredible. We had danced, eaten, laughed, and talked until he finally glanced at his watch and announced that it was probably best to head back. Neither of us had said anything in a while. I was certain both of us were thinking the same thing. Neither of us wanted the night to end and both of us knew someone was waiting for me at home.

"I must be insane," Chris sighed at long last, his hands still gripped the steering wheel and his eyes, looking grey in the dark, glared straight ahead. "What guy in their right mind brings their date home for another guy to fuck?" I was half relieved he'd said it out loud and half angry that he'd brought it up at all.

"I don't have feelings for him, you know that right?" I asked slowly, my hands still folded on my lap even though I wanted to run them through his hair and down over the soft grey cotton of his shirt. "Well, I do but… it's different. Different than us, Chris."  He looked over at me and I could tell that he was struggling with this. I was too, but I had made a promise.

"Yeah," he breathed and as I watched, he exhaled hard, trying his best to smile and not look worried but I could see it in his eyes. He really didn't like this.

Reaching up, I ran my fingertips over the stubble of his jaw and when my thumb traced along his bottom lip he sucked my thumb into his mouth. I watched it disappear and bit down on my own bottom lip. His gaze smouldered as it held mine and that was it, my panties disintegrated.

"I want you," I whispered and he smiled around my thumb.  

"I waw wu woo," he replied, his voice muffled by my thumb. I giggled and he bit down gently then let it slip free. "C'mere," he whispered and put the car in park. It wasn't easy, but as he leaned the driver's seat back, I climbed over the gearshift and settled myself astride his lap. "Jesus fuck woman you're going to be the fucking death of me," he murmured, reaching up to dig his fingers into my hair.

"But what a way to go," I whispered back and then lowered my mouth to his. His lips moved gently against mine and then his tongue swept over my lips and I gladly allowed him entrance. My tongue wrapped around his and I felt more than heard him groan, a sort of rumbling in his chest that vibrated right down between my thighs.

"Oh fuck baby," he whispered as he drew his lips from mine and moved them along my jaw and then down my throat. I arched my neck and as if he could read my mind he traced the line of my pulse right down to my collarbone and up again, tugging at my earring with his teeth before eagerly demanding the press my mouth again over his.

It was my turn to moan as his hands slid down my back and got a good grip on my ass, pulling me down hard onto him as he ground up against me. He was definitely not trying to hide how much he wanted me and I wondered if I could really hold out like I'd promised Ryan I would. All I wanted right at that second was for Chris to rip my panties off and take me right there in the front seat of his car.

I felt like I was sixteen again; urgently dry humping the wide receiver in the back seat of his mom's Volvo. It was kind of exciting and naughty and unlike that sixteen year old, I knew that I would, if he asked, gladly go all the way. It was a good thing that Chris was determined to be a gentleman.

"You'd better go in," he whispered in my ear as I was tugging at the hem of his shirt so I could get at his belt buckle. I groaned out loud, pressed my forehead to his and sulked. "Special, remember?" he chuckled breathlessly, reaching up to push my hair back from my cheek. I stuck my bottom lip out even further. "I want to bite that," he grinned up at me, gnashing his teeth playfully.

"Ryan can sleep on the couch," I decided. Chris shook his head.

"That's not special," he repeated and then offered his lips for a long, sweet kiss that made all the muscles south of my belly button clench. "Soon baby," he whispered against my lips. I smiled at him and thought it would never be soon enough. "But you really should go inside now or I'll lose my gentleman card." I wanted to ask him to chuck his gentleman card but bit my lip and nodded. He reached down and pushed the door open. I slid off his lap and out into the cold drizzle.

"Thanks for an amazing night," I told him sincerely. He smiled up at me, that Higgy smile that made all the women in the arena press their thighs together and moan out loud.

"No, thank you," he insisted. With a sigh I turned toward the entry lobby doors. "Babe, do me a favour?" I glanced back with my hand in my purse digging for my keys.

"Yeah?" I called back.

"When you fuck him…just…remember that, okay?" I nodded, knowing I would and blew him a kiss. He feigned catching it, opening the front of his pants and dropping it down. Rolling my eyes but grinning hugely, I ran into the building just as it started to pour. 

"Fuckin' about fuckin' time." I wasn't even in the door when Ryan pounced on me like a starving man on a piece of bread. He shoved the door the rest of the way closed with one hand and with the other he spun me and pressed me back against it. "Did he make you hot?" he whispered, his voice deep with barely checked desire. I nodded. I knew I still had this silly schoolgirl grin on my face but it was disappearing quickly as Ryan grabbed hold of the skirt of the dress and began to bunch it up and push it northwards. "Did you want to fuck him?" he asked, burying his face in the curve of my neck.

I closed my eyes. Chris's mouth had just been there and I waited to feel …what… negative, indifferent, maybe even disinterested? Instead, as Ryan dragged his teeth up my neck and bit down on the tip of my ear just enough for me to drag a ragged breath in between my teeth, I felt a burning desire to be fucked, right there, right then, up against the door. Not make love, which I now knew I wanted to do with Chris. I recognized the difference. No, right that minute I definitely did not want sweetness and flowers and Barry Manilow. I wanted to be fucked, hard and fast to quench the desire that was pooling, warm and wet between my thighs. I wanted carnal. I wanted mind blowing, scratching, biting, hair pulling sex to satiate the unquenched weak-kneed state Chris had left me in.

"Fuck me," I begged and Ryan growled in response, one hand pulling my hair so he could feast on my mouth, the other shoving my panties down so he could do as I'd asked. I felt his hand there, his fingers questing between my folds to see if I was ready. I groaned my impatience and pressed down on his hand, practically forcing him to shove his fingers up inside me. It wasn't enough but it was something. Finally there was sensation in the area that had been neglected, deprived all evening. I moaned like a cheap whore into Ryan's mouth and he growled like a junkyard dog.

Letting go of my hair he easily lifted me off of my feet and helped me wrap my legs around his waist. He shoved himself inside of me all in one thrust and I cried out for him, for the sensation of being filled, of having what I wanted.

"Did you want his cock in your pussy?" Ryan snarled against my neck. I gasped. Well, yes, I still did but this was good, soooo good. "God you're fucking soaked. Does he know how wet he made you?" I shook my head, unable to form words as Ryan used his upper body strength to lift me and then bring me down hard on the full length of his cock.

"More," I moaned. Ryan grimaced at me, his face straining from the effort of his thrusts.

"You want me to fuck your hot little box harder baby?" he asked, his hips moving against mine. I nodded emphatically, biting down on my bottom lip to stifle a whimper. I wanted it harder and faster and now.

"Please," I sobbed, "please Ryan."

With a growl that was part pleasure and part frustration Ryan lifted me off of him and onto my feet, spinning me so that I faced away from him. With one tug he pulled the zipper down on my dress and then it fell in a pool of black chiffon around my feet leaving me in nothing but my heels.

"Fuck I love your ass," Ryan groaned in my ear and then laid a hearty smack across my bare buttocks. I yelped, but not in pain. It stung, but it felt amazing. "Go put your hands on the window and spread your feet," he ordered. I did as I was told without a single syllable of argument. I walked across the living room, spread my hands and fingers out on the cool glass of the patio doors that overlooked the inlet and slid my feet apart. "Mmm, yes I love your tight little ass," he repeated, swatting it again. I closed my eyes and dropped my forehead to the glass. "I love your wet little beaver more," he added, sliding his fingers down into my cleft and then up inside of me. With his other hand he reached around and cupped one breast, running his thumb over the hard, almost painfully hard nipple. "Do you think he's still down there? Maybe he can watch me fuck your tight little cunt?" I gasped and shook my head. I hoped not. God I was such a happy whore.

"Jesus Ryan, shut the fuck up," I hissed at him. Normally I appreciated his dirty talk but right then I didn't have the patience for it. "Fuck me already," I ordered and had my ass slapped once more for the trouble. I felt him gather a handful of my hair and hissed at him when he pulled my head back.

"Oh I'll fuck you and you're gonna scream my name, do you hear me?" he growled back at me. I smiled at him and licked my lips.

"We'll see," I replied mischievously.

"Oh we will," he promised and then, with one hand on my hip and the other fisted in my hair he shoved his cock so deep into me, I felt like it was going to come out of my throat. I yelped. "Do you like my cock inside of you?" he asked, holding absolutely still.

"Uh huh," I replied, my head falling back onto his shoulder.

"Like this?" he whispered, and did it again, filling me completely, once, twice, three more times.

"Uhhhhh yesssss," I hissed.

"Lean forward, hands on the window," he ordered. I bent over, my ass in the air, as he positioned himself behind me. "I am going to fuck you hard Pen," he promised, running the palms of his hands over my ass before bringing one hand up and then down with a hard, open handed slap that made my entire body tingle and the walls of my pussy clamp down hard enough on his dick that he swore. "Oh yeah baby like that," he moaned. He slapped my ass again and I felt it, that clenching low in my gut, that sort of fluttering in my stomach. I was close.

"Fuuuuuck me," I begged pushing my hips back against him. He groaned but did as I asked. With his hands on my waist he brought his hips back so that the tip of his cock was barely in me and then he thrust them forward until he bottomed out. I gasped, tipping my head back. "Oh yeah Ry, like that," I moaned as he did it again, and again, faster and faster until I could barely stand, my legs liquefying beneath me as the meaty sound of our bodies meeting mixed with my cries and his groans. "Harder," I panted, getting those stars in front of my eyes. I was right there, so close.

"Yeah, you like that baby? You like me fucking you like that?" his voice sounded as wrecked as I would be later the way he was ramming into me. I couldn't answer any more. It was beyond my ability to speak. "You're so close baby. Give it to me, baby, cum all over my cock," he panted, not missing a thrust, not slowing down as he reached around me and pressed two fingers over my clit. I tilted my head back and came, screaming his name to the entire city. 

Despite the workout Kess had put me through and the drain of the excitement of day leading up to The Date, I had a bitch of a time getting to sleep. My mind was calm but for some reason I just couldn't seem to drift off.

Ryan had eventually settled long enough to fall into the sleep of the dead and I was relieved to see him at ease for the first time in too damned long. Still, I was careful not to disturb him as I slipped out of bed and padded barefoot downstairs to the kitchen, hoping a cup of tea would lull in the direction of dreamland.

Sitting at the island, I scrolled through my phone, reading the texts I had missed throughout evening and waited for my tea to steep.

CaptainHank: Dice & Ice on Thursday. Up 4 it?

Hm. That wasn't a typical Specialist's event so I'd have to give it some thought. It warmed my insides to be included though.

HammerTime02: Sarah wants 2 talk 2 u about something. I'm man enuf 2 admit I'm scared & turned on. Call me.

Sarah H. 2+: Hi Penny, hoping you have a moment to chat soon. We'd love to have you over for dinner soon if you're available. Let me know. J

That was something I had to respond to pronto. The woman made the best pot roast I'd ever had. Dinner? Hell yes.

PattyCakeKaner88: ur fukin hottt.

Charming. I really should have been more careful with passing out my digits in Ottawa. So far I'd had several random, though often sweet, mostly hilarious, propositions in the form of casual texts from players I hadn't even spoken to.

I replied to that one regardless of the late hour, hoping to fuck with him a little.

RK17: where the fuck is ur remote control??

Gina L. 1+: Is Roberto with you?

RK17: nvmnd, found it.

Juice: Katie and the kids are abandoning me this weekend. I'm heartbroken. Wanna help me feel better?

Gina L. 1+: He better be with you, Penny. Swear to God, I'll slap him with his own dick if he's not.

Uh oh. That wasn't sounding too good.

CaptainHank: Sorry, I forgot you're having DATE NIGHT tonight! Have fun! Talk to you tomorrow.

Andrea K. 17+: you're a whore

Aaaaand… delete.

Katie B. 3+: Hey girl! Heads up, going out of town after Dice & Ice – you're coming right? – and the big baby will be lonely. Can you entertain him for me? Puh-leeeze?

Katie B 3+: Btw, Gina's on the warpath. Lou's MIA and methinks in big BIG trouble.

Yeah, there was a story there for sure. I'd have to corner Lou ASAP and get the details before I talked to Gina.

Tanger58: Skating with a hard on sucks. That's what I get for thinking about you on the ice. Give me a call one of these days, eh?

My fingers nearly started to dial on their own.

RK17: I'm boooored. Dammit, why did he have 2 pick 2NITE 2 date u? FUCK!

Yeah, well, I'd made it up to him already. Several times actually.

Higgy20: I just dropped u off at ur place. Can't stop thinking about u. Wish u were with me tonight.

Oh God. My lips stretched into the same ridiculous grin I knew I'd been wearing when I got home earlier and I instantly wanted to send him a message back but the clock on the stove advised me that waking him up at 3:30 was probably not the wisest decision.

As I'd conjured him with thoughts alone, Chris' face was suddenly staring back at me from the phone in my hand as his photo appeared on the screen indicating an incoming call.

It nearly went to voic email by the time I'd gathered my wits enough to answer the bloody thing. "Hello?"

"Hey… um… you're not – did I wake you?"

I shook my head even though he couldn't see me and stuttered out a quick, "N-no. No! I was, um, I'm awake."

On the other end he seemed to hesitate a little. "Is this a bad time then? Are you… busy?"

I guess it was a legitimate concern since he knew I had company for the night but part of me wanted to laugh. "Do you think I'd answer the phone if I was… busy?"

"No," he laughed lightly and I could imagine the sheepish grin on his face. "I guess not. Is everything okay?"

"Yeah," I said, fingering the rim of my cup. "Just, I don't know. I can't sleep."

"Neither can I," he said softly. "Too much on my mind, I guess."

Shifting on the stool, I tucked one leg under myself and settled in, lifting my cup to sip delicately. "Anything you care to share? I'm a pretty wicked listener if I do say so myself."

"Hmm, you really want to hear me talk about the fact that I practically wore a path in the floor trying not to imagine all the ways one of my closest friends was pounding you through the mattress, Penny?"

The mug in my hand bobbled and scalding hot liquid sloshed onto the counter top in front of me. "Um… what?"

"Yeah, I'm pretty sure my neighbors downstairs began cursing me to hell right about the time I decided that I could distract myself by moving all of my furniture. That worked until I began picturing you on your knees, letting him fuck your mouth while he watched your reflection in the window. I switched to jumping rope then." Chris chuckled darkly, the sound rumbling out of him and through the connection as clear as if he'd been sitting beside me. "Then all I could think of was Kess using a rope to bind your hands to the headboard and riding your ass from behind, with your legs pressed together screaming into the pillow. It was touch and go for a while there. I wanted to use the rope to hang myself when I realized I didn't know whose name you would be screaming."

This time I nearly dropped the phone. "… I…"

"It fucking killed me to send you back to him, Pen," he whispered hoarsely.

I closed my eyes and absorbed the anguish in his voice, letting it register deep inside. This wasn't going to be easy. I'd sworn that I wasn't going to give up my work, that I wasn't going to bend to his will, to give in to his censure, but the ache driving his admission had me giving it serious consideration for a moment. "Chris…"

The silence that stretched between us was as charged as any conversation or argument we'd ever had. Despite the heartache he'd put me through and all of the horrible thoughts I'd wished upon him during that time, I didn't want him hurting. And as much as I wanted to be with him, I couldn't put him through this if it was going to wreck him like this. Was it really worth it?

"I think it is," he said quietly, making me realize I'd been thinking out loud. "And I didn't… I didn't call to tell you this to make you feel bad, I just… we promised to be honest with each other right?"

"Right," I said softly, remembering after dinner, the way he'd smiled when I extended my pinky as we swore to be truthful and up front with our feelings from now on. He'd accepted the challenge and sealed it with a sweet, simple kiss that had nearly brought tears to my eyes.

"Well, this is me being honest. Tonight, being without you, knowing you were with someone else was absolute fucking hell… but… I meant what I said, Penny. I'd rather have you this way than not have you at all. It is worth it. You're worth it. To me."

Ah hell, that definitely brought out the waterworks. I sat there, eyes swimming, and wondered if I could wish hard enough to make him appear out of thin air to hold me right then. So far, my wish to reality ratio was pretty impressive.

"Anyway," he exhaled hard and his tone seemed lighter, as if he'd released a weight with his admission, "I just wanted to share that with you. I figured if I could make it through tonight without losing my mind or hunting down every man who ever touched you to carve them up with my skate blades, then we've got a good chance here. I wanted to let you know that regardless of what you did with him, what he did to you, whatever – I want you just as much as I did before, nothing has changed. Okay?"

Nodding like an idiot, I felt my lips start to curl again. "Okay."

"Okay," he laughed. "Think you can get to sleep now?"

"Yeah," I was more than a little surprised to realize how suddenly tired I was. "Chris… I… I wish you were here."

He groaned on the other end of the phone and I felt it to my toes. "Baby, you have no idea how bad I wish the same."

"Maybe…" I thought about Kess fast asleep upstairs and bit my lip, wondering if I could make the trip to Chris' and back before he woke up. I didn't want him to wake up alone, though. Ryan had been going through hell of his own and deserved the attention I had promised him.

"How's he doing?"

"Rough," I said, knowing that Chris was genuinely concerned about his friend. "I thought it was me, y'know? That she was just angry about the fact that he cares about me and, um, visits and stuff."

"No," he said firmly. "No matter what I may have insinuated before, this thing between them was going on before you got here, babe. She's a piece of work. I know he's not exactly a ray of sunshine to live with but everyone knows this shit with Andrea is ripping him up inside. It's good that he…" his cut himself off abruptly and then swore before laughing lightly again. He cleared his throat. "It's good that he has you, Penny. And he needs you. I guess they all do in different ways, eh?"

I couldn't believe my ears. I wondered for a moment if I hadn't actually fallen asleep and was dreaming the whole conversation. This was surreal. "I don't know what to say right now."

"Say goodnight," he whispered. "Go be there for him but be sure to get some sleep. I'm going to try and knock myself unconscious and forget that I just sent you back into his arms."

I smiled at that and slid off of the stool, leaving the mess of spilled tea behind to deal with in the morning. "You're a good man Charlie Brown."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll see you at practice?"

"Uh huh," I switched off the light and started up the stairs. "Want to grab lunch or something? If you're not busy, I mean? We don't have to."

"Lunch sounds good."

"Okay," I felt like I was back in high school, giddy over the idea of sitting at the quarterback's table in the cafeteria. "I'll see you there."

"Okay," he yawned. "Good night, Baby."

"Night, Christopher."

"Oh! One more thing," he said slyly.

"Yesssss?"

"When you finally do close your eyes, be sure to dream of me."

As if I could do anything else.